Abstract
Today there is a great deal of research in the area of parenting styles and its impact on a person’s development. This research has shown that parenting styles will impact an individual greatly not only in his childhood but the impact carries well into adulthood. This paper will seek to evaluate the research, theories, controversies, and a biblical worldview surrounding parenting styles and their impact in the various area of a person’s development throughout the lifespan up to young adulthood. This evaluation will take place in the areas of 1) definition of styles, 2) the effects of the styles, 3) controversies in the research, and 4) a biblical view of parenting.
In counseling, parenting styles must be taken into account. The parenting style to which a person was exposed has long term impact on his lifespan development. A person must make peace with his past before his can move into the future.
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Today there is a great deal of research in the area of parenting styles and its impact on a person’s development. This paper will seek to evaluate the research, theories, controversies, and a biblical worldview surrounding parenting styles and their impact in the various area of a person’s development throughout the lifespan up to young adulthood. This evaluation will take place in the areas of 1) definition of styles, 2) the effects of the styles, 3) controversies in the research, and 4) a biblical view of parenting.
Definition of Parenting Styles
As a person comes to the research concerning parenting styles, it is evident that a debate whether there are three or four parenting styles. The point of contention is whether permissive and uninvolved are to be considered as one style or divided into two styles. In the case of this paper, four parenting styles will be considered. The reason for this distinction is the characteristics of these styles and the relationship that is fostered between children and parents with these.respective styles 6(Feldman, 2008).
The authoritarian parenting style is considered to be a restrictive style. A metaphor common to describe this style is the image of the child being treated like a “trained dog” or “stubborn donkey” (Stein, Henry, 2008). With this in mind, the authoritarian parents do not give the children the opportunity to learn from their errors (Marsiglia, Walczyk, Buboltz, & Griffith-Ross, 2007). The authoritarian parents are highly controlling and use punitive measures if the children fail to meet parental expectations. The children are not allowed to question the parents’ authority. Authoritarian parents are very involved in the lives of their children and the children’s activity as they do not want the children to fall short of parental demands and expectations. These children are given few if any choices (”Introductory Concepts: Parenting Styles…”, 2007). With this in mind, it is simple to see why parents using this style have the tendency to display little warmth towards their children with warmth being defined as “degree to which parents are accepting and responsive of their children’s behavior as opposed to being unresponsive and rejecting” (Kopko, 2007). In the end, authoritarian parents may be described as being “cold, rigid, controlling, and punitive” (Feldman, 2008). With these descriptions used, it is easy to see why the authoritarian parenting style now has a negative view in Western cultures. Whereas this may be true in Western societies, the expectations in Eastern societies are different and this is the style which Eastern parents are expected to use with their children (Ang, R.P., and Goh, D.H., 2006).
The second style which will be considered is called the authoritative style. This style is described in more positive terms by researchers. One of the terms used for this style is “democratic” (Ritter, 2006). The parents using this style strive to help the children achieve independence. This is accomplished by goal achievement and activities. These parents have high demands academically and socially. These parents provide a warm and nuturing enviroment showing interest in the children. Their children are taught to make logical decisions based on verbal interactions (”Introductory Concepts: Parenting Styles…”, 2007). Using this style, parents encourage discussions and debates with their child. These parents are warm and supportive (Kopko, 2007). Researchers use the image of the child as being an equal part of the family unit. The child is expected to do his share and be cooperative with family members. Also, as the child matures, he is given progressively more challenging goals. The child is expected to develop at his own pace (Stein, Henry, 2008). The children of authoritative parents are given set rules and guidelines with logical consequences if the parameters are violated. The authoritative parents have control over the children without being controling. As the children mature, these parent normally give more responsibity and freedom to the children within well defined boundaries (Finkel, Audrey, 2002).
. The third style for discussion is the permissive style. In this style, the parents are very warm but very undemanding. Children, especially teens, are allowed to make very important life decisions with little or no parental input (Kopko, 2007). There are few if any requirements on the children from these parents. For the most part, these parents refuse to take responsibility for how their children turn out. These parents show warmth towards their children giving them a great deal of freedom in their behaviors and choices (”Introductory Concepts: Parenting Styles…”, 2007). The image used to describe this stage depends on the parental attitude. If the parent is over-indulgent, the child has material possessions and services poured out upon him in a flood. The parents pour out gifts and services with little regard for the child’s actual needs. On the other hand, if the parent is overly submissive, the child is placed upon a throne and the parent kowtows to his every whim. The parents are treated like slaves and the child expects all his desires to be fulfilled with little regard for others (Stein, Henry, 2008). These parents rarely make rules and the rules which are made are not consistently enforced. These rules have no clear boundaries or clear consequences if those ambiguous parameters are violated. These parents want to give their children a great deal of freedom in making choices even if the children have not matured to a point to make good decisions (Iannelli, Vince, 2004).
The fourth parenting style is known as the uninvolved parenting style. This very closely related to the permissive style as it does not place any demands upon the child. However, uninvolved parents are not warm towards their children and display an emotional detachment to the child (Kopko, 2007). The primary trait of this style is the lack of parental involvement in the child’s life. There is a great lack of communication between the child and parent. The child receives very little in the way of nurture. Whatever communication occurs infers to the child that the parent’s activities are of a greater priority then the child (”Introductory Concepts: Parenting Styles…”, 2007). At best, the parent only sees his role as providing for the basic needs of the child. In more extreme cases, it can result in child neglect which is a form of child abuse (Feldman, 2008).
Impact of Parenting Styles
All research indicates that parents and their impact on children last throughout the child’s life. The impact carries well into adulthood affecting such decisions as career choice, friendships, and marriage partners. Recent research reaffirms earlier findings that the most crucial time in the child’s development is the early years. Parenting styles have been linked to the child’s social development as well as emotional development. In the early childhood years, it is necessary for there to be responsiveness from the parent so that a mutually beneficial and responsive relationship may emerge between parent and child. This is necessary if a child is to be compliant and have a moral compass (”Introductory Concepts: Parenting Styles…”, 2007). This is true of children of authoritative parents. The results of an authoritative parenting are children who are secure in their love. They develop their strengths as they meet challenges and overcome obstacles. They learn to find satisfaction in goal achievement and job satisfaction. These children are not afraid of failure and are willing to meet challenges as they arise (Stein, Henry, 2008). Research has also indicated that children of authoritative parents have fewer behavioral issues and generally have fewer mental health issues. This parenting style has shown to promote positive self esteem. From Erikson’s stage theory of psychosocial development point of view, these children experience greater psychosocial success as they resolve the crisis they encounter in each development stage (Marsiglia, et al., 2007). Another benefit of the authoritative parenting style is that it seeks to lessen anger in the child by giving the child consistent rules and logical disciplinary actions. Discipline is seen as being a corrective action whereas punishment is controlling behavior. Consistency in discipline is achieved when the parent knows his convictions, communicates with child and spouse, holds emotions in check when administrating discipline, and be honest with the child. This transparency and consistency will have the impact of lessening the child’s anger (Cross, Roger, 2007).
The authoritarian parent style has been found to have many negative impacts upon childhood development. There are usually three responses from the child to authoritarian parenting. The first response may be called submission in which the child seeks to obey the parent and maintain the peace. This child never questions direction. The second response is open rebellion by the child resulting in open defiance. This child will verbally refuse to follow directions. The third response may be called dawdling in which the child is obedient in following directions but shows his rebellion by being slow to respond to the direction. In this response, the child is slow to complete tasks and achieve goals (Stein, Henry, 2008). These children were moderately successful in school with little or no behavioral problems but they had poor social skills, lower self esteem, higher levels of depression, more aggression among boys, less independence for the girls, greater discontentment, and lower intrinsic motivation (Marsiglia, et al., 2007).
As mentioned earlier, the permissive parenting style manifests itself in one of two ways. In the first manner, the permissive parent is over-indulgent. This results in a child who is bored and lacks drive. This child shows no or little initiative and spontaneity since he expects everything to be brought to him. His view of adults is skewed in that he sees them only as servants meant to provide for his pleasure. On the other hand, the over-submissive parents have children who are very demanding. When these demands are not met, these children will have tantrums to get their way. They are self-centered and have no sense of boundaries (Stein, Henry, 2008).
The uninvolved parent has children who lack the ability to form close relationships. These children usually consider themselves to be loners who see the world as being against them. Sadly, to compensate for the lack of parental responsiveness, these children have a tendency to create an idealized image of the parent that views him as a superhuman or deity. These children do not show self control and lack the ability to handle freedom (”Introductory Concepts: Parenting Styles…”, 2007).
As the child matures and enters in adolescence, these parenting styles impact the them. According to research, authoritative parents have children who are socially competent and able to make friends. They are successful in school and develop a healthy self image (”Introductory Concepts: Parenting Styles…”, 2007). This style gives the adolescent a healthy environment that is supportive and affectionate with the proper amount of parental control to guide the adolescent’s decisions as he encounters new challenges and crisis (Kopko, 2007).
Research indicates that the results for the other parenting styles in adolescents is not as glowing. The authoritarian parents have adolescents who have problems with low self-esteem and socialization. Complicating this socialization is the perception by others of them being moody and withdrawn. They have anxiety in dealing with new situations. Permissive parents produce adolescents who are creative but have problems with self control and rules. They perceive that their parents do not care about them or their behaviors. Uninvolved parents have adolescents who are at a higher risk for deviant behavior. Drug abuse is higher among this population (Horner, Becky, 2001). A far more disturbing development for these adolescents is that the parents use increased force to ensure compliance from the adolescence. In return, the adolescent responds in like manner towards the parents showing more aggressive behavior (”Introductory Concepts: Parenting Styles…”, 2007).
The impact of parenting styles continues into early adulthood. It is interesting that research shows that boys who were exposed to authoritarian parenting style are more aggressive while girls are less independent. Both genders are more likely to be extrinsically motivated. They have continued problems with social skills, are resistant to deadlines and guidelines. They may view sex and marriage as more of a duty to be carried out because that is what is expected of them (Stein, Henry, 2008).
The adult who experienced a permissive parenting style with over-indulgent tendencies show an attitude of expecting others to meet their needs and desires. Therefore, they seek partners who indulge their desires and fantasies. The over-submissive, on the other hand, seeks a servant to wait upon him. He is self-centered, inconsiderate, and rude. He expects high praise even for modest endeavors. Adults from permissive families have a higher incidence of problem behaviors and addicts. Their academic performance is lower but their self-esteem is higher, suffering lower levels of depression, and is better at socialization when compared to adults coming from authoritarian families (Marsiglia, et al., 2007).
Adults who come from an authoritative family are found to be well adjusted with social skills and high self-esteem. They exhibit the qualities being autonomous with the skills necessary for success in life. These adults are found to be well adjusted, well organized, deal with conflict positively, seek self improvement, seek a consensus on decisions, and are able to form friendships (Kerka, Sandra, 2004).
Controversies in the Research
With this research has come controversy about the methods used. Those who favor the nurture theories concerning the impact of parenting style have focused too much on the impact and outcome of the styles while neglecting the genetic component. However, those who argue the significance of nature are critized for focusing solely upon the genetic factors in the children while ignoring the home enviroment (Kopko, 2007).
Earlier research was critized for it lack of taking cultural influences into account. The authoritative parenting style is dominant among Whites, the same does not hold true among minority families. Research has shown that the authoritarian style is more common among minority parents (Kopko, 2007). Researchers have pointed out that authoritative parenting style is a Western European creation from the cultural expectations concerning parent-child interaction.
In Eastern cultures, this model does not hold true. For instance, Asian American parents place a high emphasis upon academic achievement and seek to accomplish this goal thorough a parenting style refered to as “training”. Researcher point out that where European Americans consider parent-child relations as a priority, Asian Americans “emphasize the importance of hard work, self-discipline, and obediance” (Chao, Ruth, 2001).
Recent studies have shown in some cases that the authoritative style was more beneficial for European American youth then Asian American youth. It was found that the authoritarian style more effective for the Asian American youth. It seems that parenting style results are not consistent factor in academic success for Asian Americans. Other results from other studies were not conclusive. It can be argued that parenting style is a reflection of the society as it is a mirror of how family members are expected to interact in that society. In Chinese culture, hard work is prized more than affectionate displays. Self discipline is expected more than verbal affirmations of affection. In a study done in 2001, it was shown that Chinese American youth who had authoritative parents did not fare better in school than those who had authoritarian parents whereas European American youth in authoritative settings did much better than those who were in authoritarian settings (Chao, Ruth, 2001). A criticism of this groundbreaking research was that it failed to take into account the individual student’s attitude towards school and teachers. It has been shown many times that the comfort level of students with teachers and the educational setting impacts academic results (Ang, R.P. & Goh, D.H., 2006).
It is interesting to note recent research that studied the effects cross over cultural barriers to affect all children the same way though not to the same degree. Research into parenting styles has been prone to the nature versus nurture debate. However, researchers in each camp have put too much emphasis on one aspect to the detriment of the other (Kopko, 2007). With this in mind, the University of Illinois recently completed a study of 806 American and Chinese children living in authoritarian homes. The results were astounding. They found that the authoritarian parenting style had the same damaging effects on both American and Chinese children (Yates, 2007).
A study was done of 1456 Spanish adolescents of whom 54.3% were female. Their parents were classified according to their parenting style. The teens were appraised based on their self-transcendence and self-esteem. It was found that teens with permissive parents were found to have a higher self-esteem than authoritarian households. The goal of parental socialization is for the adolescent not only to learn the values of the parents but the internalization of those values as well as the development of the adolescent’s self-esteem. Self-esteem must be a goal as low self-esteem will hamper the internalization of parental values. In the end, this study showed that Spanish adolescents in permissive homes had high self esteem (Martinez, Isabel, & Garcia, Jose Fernando, 2007).
A Biblical View of Parenting
The Bible has much to say in regards to child rearing and parental style. One of the more popular clichés is “spare the rod and spoil the child” which not exactly what the text says. People have used this cliché to authorize child abuse but that is not what Solomon wrote. Rather, the Bible says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24, New International Version). Due to original sin, children are in need of boundaries. Romans 5:19 says, “For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous” (NIV). God’s Law itself establishes boundaries for believers. In fact, the Fifth Commandment which deals with how children are to treat their parents is the first commandment with a promise. The laws and regulations in Leviticus and Deuteronomy come with a promise that observance of them would keep the Israelites from suffering the same illnesses and diseases of the Egyptians.
The idea of discipline means to set boundaries or parameters with reasonable consequences for their violation. The ideas concerning the philosophy surrounding discipline has been described as a pendulum that swings from one extreme to other. At one end of this pendulum is domination and control while at the other is permissiveness (Dobson, Jam, 1970/1992). Discipline is meant to establish boundaries with logical consequences for violating these boundaries. This concept of discipline as boundaries with logical consequences is further seen in Paul’s writings where he says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, NIV). This is clearly an admonition against the authoritarian parenting style dominant in the first century Roman Empire. Paul further mentioned this concept when he writes, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21, NIV). The authoritative parenting style best accomplishes this goal.
Solomon also writes, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6, NIV). This word “train” gives the idea in the Hebrew of starting a child on the right path which parents are supposed to do. The word “way” is special in its usage because in Hebrew it means “bent.” This word is also used in the “way of the eagle” and the “way” of a man with a maid. The parent is to see the bent or talents of his child and lead him in that direction so they may take to the way of the eagle and fly high. The Bible tells us that children are “like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth” (Psalms 127:4, NIV). If reared under the right circumstances, children will fly straight and true.
Modern research is now proving what the Bible has always said to be true. Parenting style has a great impact upon the development of the individual’s behavioral control, autonomy, and his mental health. In dealing with people with mental health issues, the home life must be considered. To fully understand a person’s development and current situation, the parenting style of their parents must be taken into account. To bring peace to their mental health, they must have peace with their past.
Also, parenting style has a theological impact in that it has the potential to skew one’s concept of God as our Heavenly Father. A tainted view of one’s earthly father will in most cases lead to a tainted misunderstanding of our Heavenly Father. Dr. James Dobson (1970/1992) points this out in his personal life as he came to this realization one day with his own children. He uses a story from his personal life to illustrate this point. When his son was very young, Dr. Dobson always took the responsibility for prayer at meal time and family devotion time. Once, when he went on a trip for an engagement, his wife asked the son to say the blessing at breakfast. The little boy earnestly prayed to God, “I love you, Daddy!” (Dobson, James, 1970/1992). He points out that children identify their parents with God.
Conclusion
There is exciting research being done in the area of parenting styles. A great deal more research will be needed in the area of parenting styles and its impact on a person’s development. It is a challenge to evaluate the research, theories, controversies surrounding parenting styles and their impact in the various area of a person’s development throughout the lifespan up to young adulthood.
These four styles are the authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. The authoritarian is very restrictive and very controlling resulting in children who have low self esteem and moderate academic success. The authoritative is very democratic as the parents seek to develop the child full potential. The permissive is very warm but seeks to cater to the child which results in a reduction in socialization skills. The uninvolved parent is not involved in the child’s life and in worst case scenarios, it results in emotional abuse. Children with uninvolved parents are more likely to engage in problem behaviors.
There continues to rage a debate between nature and nurture but this can be resolved with more careful research. The research in the area in cultural expectations is already producing fruitful results. As this data is gathered, it will further the understanding of the impact of parenting styles on children’s development helping parents in the future to help their children fully realize their potential as individuals.
A careful study of Scriptures shows that the authoritative parenting style is favored. In the past, the Bible was used to condone physical abuse with the taking of Scripture out of context. God lays out the principle of boundaries and consequences for violating those boundaries. Parents are to guide their children in a warm, nurturing environment so that once the children reaches adulthood, he may fly in the way of the eagle.
In counseling, parenting styles must be taken into account. The parenting style to which a person was exposed has long term impact on his lifespan development. A person must make peace with his past before his can move into the future.
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