Today, there is a discussion of the types of parenting styles and their effect upon an individual. Drawn into question are the long term effects of parenting style upon the development of an individual. There are debates over nature versus nurture, cultural expectations, parental control, and parental involvement. The Bible has much to say in regards to child rearing and parental style. One of the more popular clichés is “spare the rod and spoil the child” which not exactly what the text says. People have used this cliché to authorize child abuse but that is not what Solomon wrote. Rather, the Bible says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24, New International Version). The idea of discipline means to set boundaries or parameters with reasonable consequences for their violation. This is further seen in Paul’s writings where he says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, NIV). This is clearly an admonition against the authoritarian parenting style dominant in the first century Roman Empire. Solomon also writes, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6, NIV). This word “train” gives the idea in the Hebrew of starting a child on the right path which parents are supposed to do. The Bible tells us that children are “like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth” (Psalms 127:4, NIV). If reared under the right circumstances, children will fly straight and true. Modern research is now proving what the Bible has always said to be true. Parenting style has a great impact upon the development of the individual’s behavioral control, autonomy, and his mental health.
Defining Parenting Styles
There seems to be some discussion among researchers as to whether there are three parenting styles or four parenting styles. The point of contention is whether permissive and uninvolved are to be considered as one style or divided into two styles. For the purpose of this paper, they will be considered as two separate parenting styles. This is due to the characteristics of these styles and the relationship that is fostered between children and parents with these respective styles (Feldman, 2008).
The first style is the authoritarian style which is defined as being restrictive. Parents in using this method prevent children from exercising control over their own behaviors. The children are not given the opportunity to learn from their errors (Marsiglia, Walczyk, Buboltz, & Griffith-Ross). Parents using this style also have a tendency to display little warmth towards their children with warmth being defined as “degree to which parents are accepting and responsive of their children’s behavior as opposed to being unresponsive and rejecting” (Kopko, 2007). To this end, authoritarian may be described as being “cold, rigid, controlling, and punitive” (Feldman, 2008).
Next style to be considered is the authoritative. Authoritative parents are described in more glowing terms. This style is also termed “democratic” because though the parents set firm rules and have clear expectations, they allow discussion and promote independence in the child (Ritter, 2006). Using this style, parents encourage discussions and debates with their child. These parents are warm and supportive (Kopko, 2007).
The third style for discussion is the permissive style. In this style, the parents are very warm but very undemanding. Children, especially teens, are allowed to make very important life decisions with little or no parental input (Kopko, 2007). There are few if any requirements on the children from these parents. For the most part, these parents refuse to take responsibility for how their children turn out.
The fourth parenting style is uninvolved. This very closely related to the permissive style as it does not place any demands upon the child. However, uninvolved parents are not warm towards their children and display an emotional detachment to the child (Kopko, 2007). The parent only sees his role as providing for the basic needs of the child. In more extreme cases, it can result in child neglect which is a form of child abuse (Feldman, 2008).
Effect of Parenting Styles
The effects of these different parenting styles are numerous. It is interesting to note that the effects cross over cultural barriers to affect all children the same way though not to the same degree. Research into parenting styles has been prone to the nature versus nurture debate. However, researchers in each camp have put too much emphasis on one aspect to the detriment of the other (Kopko, 2007). With this in mind, the University of Illinois recently completed a study of 806 American and Chinese children living in authoritarian homes. The results were astounding. They found that the authoritarian parenting style had the same damaging effects on both American and Chinese children (Yates, 2007). These effects were the children were moderately successful in school with little or no behavioral problems but they had poor social skills, lower self esteem, higher levels of depression, more aggression among boys, less independence for the girls, greater discontentment, and lower intrinsic motivation (Marsiglia, et al., 2007). Permissive children did not feel responsible for their own behaviors, had a difficult time exercising self-control, and showed strong egocentric personalities (Kopko, 2007). What is ironic is that research shows that permissive children have higher self-esteem than children from other parenting styles. Children of uninvolved parents show many of the same traits as the authoritarian children. They lack self-control and social skills (Feldman, 2008).
Conclusion
In dealing with people with mental health issues, the home life must be considered. To fully understand a person’s development and current situation, the parenting style of their parents must be taken into account. To bring peace to their mental health, they must have peace with their past. Also, parenting style has a theological impact in that it has the potential to skew one’s concept of God as our Heavenly Father. A tainted view of one’s earthly father will in most cases lead to a tainted misunderstanding of our Heavenly Father. In a personal note, this writer was once discussing God with a troubled young woman who said she could not embrace God as a Heavenly Father due to the pain inflicted upon her physically and emotionally by her earthly father. Parents must be made aware of the impact they have on their children’s development including spiritual development.
References
Feldman, Robert S. (2008). Development Across the Life Span (fifth ed.). Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Pearson Education, Inc.
Kopko, Kimberly. (2007). Parenting Styles and Adolescents. Retrieved June 13, 2008 from http://www.parenting.cit.cornell.edu/Parenting%20Styles%20and%20Adolescents.pdf
Marsiglia, C., Walczyk, J., Buboltz, W., & Griffith-Ross, D. (2007). Impact of Parenting Styles and Locus of Control on Emerging Adults Psychosocial Success [Electronic version]. Journal of Education and Human Development, 1(1). 1-13. Retrieved June 13, 2008 from http://www.scientificjournals.org/journals2007/articles/1031.htm
Ritter, Ellen Neiley. (March 27, 2006). The Impact of Parenting Styles. Retrieved June 13, 2008 from http://www.articlecity.com/articles/parenting/article_997.shtml
Yates, Diana. (August 14, 2007). Study Shows Parenting Styles Have Similar Effects in China and U.S. News Bureau: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, 1-3. Retrieved June 13, 2008 from http://www.news.uiuc.edu/news/07/0914parenting.html
[...] KSchrad wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptIn dealing with people with mental health issues, the home life must be considered. To fully understand a person’s development and current situation, the parenting style of their parents must be taken into account. … [...]
Pingback by » The Effects of Parenting Styles — June 13, 2008 @ 11:43 pm
The word “way”in Proverbs.22:6 is “bent”in the Hebrew.Parents,study the distinct personality of your child.What is his way,his bent?Encourage him,train him in that area.If His bent is to play the piano,don’t force him to play football.The Bible speaks of.the “way”of an eagle and the “way” of a man with a maid.
When parents compare one child with another….why can’t you be like sally?Suzy should reply,”Because,I’m not Sally,I’m Suzy.
Comment by hottubreligion — June 16, 2008 @ 11:34 am
Thanks, Bill! This is excellent wisdom!
Comment by Quinn Hooks — June 16, 2008 @ 2:41 pm
I don’t have the exact name of the book, but my wife was reading a recent book on parenting by David Jerimiah and one point she shared with me was that in Proverbs 22:6 (”Train a child in the way he should go”) Dr. Jeremiah ephasized the word “he” and noted that it was not “they”, i.e., each individual child has a way that he/she should go and thus our parenting style should take this in consideration. That being said, I see this as advising that we should look to the individual needs of each child and modify our parenting within the bounds of the authoritative style described in this article.
Comment by John Paulk — June 17, 2008 @ 2:24 am